How to be a good person in 3 days and a great person in 3 years
I met a financier at a concert. He took me out to get Thai food. I was still in high school. Tale as old as time.
I told him I was 22. An NYU graduate. Majoring in theatre and economics. He picked me up from my parents’ house. But I told him I was staying there with friends.
In reality, I was a 16-year-old. A liar. And terribly unhappy with who I really was.
If this only happened once, I wonder if you’d give me a pass. I was a teenager after all. And teenagers tend to be terrible. But it didn’t only happen once.
I also lied to my parents.
I also lied to that guy I hooked up with.
And to that guy I met at a bar.
And to that guy I met on a bus.
And to that guy I met on a plane.
And to that girl I shared a taxi home with.
And to my friends. I lied to my friends. I formed a group of friends with adults while I was a teenager. And I lied to all of them.
Are you still giving me a pass? I doubt it.
3 days after my date with the financier I texted him. I told him I didn’t want a second date. But that didn’t turn me into a good person.
3 days after my date with the financier I told my friend that I went on the date. And that I lied on the date. I watched her opinion of me shift. I didn’t defend myself. I knew I didn’t have a case. I let her think differently of me. I let reality define me.
3 years after my date with the financier I called the financier. I told him the truth. He told me that if I wanted to go into theatre I should become an actor because I was so good at lying.
I don’t think you can become a good person without admitting to being terrible. I wonder why you clicked on this link. What have you done that makes you think you’re not a good person? How would it feel to admit what you did to the person you did it to? How would it feel to allow them to think of you however they want to? Instead of defending with excuses.
Comments are below.
There are always reasons. I wanted to be someone else so badly I created an entirely new reality. But my unhappiness with who I was doesn’t excuse what I did. I could have yelled back at the financier:
“I was just assaulted and now I believe that all I’m good for is sex!”
And that would have been true. But that wouldn’t have changed reality.