People wanted so much from me and I had nothing more to give
How increasing demand with decreasing supply creates both recessions and burnout. Or, if I worked in HR and had to email GDP.
Dear GDP,
I don’t know how to say this. I know we’ve only just met and our relationship is still purely professional. However, I find it to be my corporate responsibility to fully understand the well-being of all employees here at The Economy. Therefore I do think it is pertinent for me to address the elephant in the room.
Have you been losing weight? For two consecutive quarters?
Please know that here at The Economy we not only value all body types, we seek to amplify them as well. However, losing weight for two consecutive quarters makes me wonder if there might be an underlying issue here that would serve you well to be addressed.
I urge you to lean on the resources we have available to employees at The Economy such as consulting provided by the Fed and even creative writing sessions. Of course, you can also always schedule a time to talk to me.
Let me know how we can best support you.
Sincerely,
HR
when are you free?
Dear GDP,
I am so thrilled to hear that you would like to take control of your well-being. Please excuse my baseline understanding. You would like to schedule a time to talk… with me?
Sincerely,
HR
yeah
Dear GDP,
Great! I didn’t mean to sound naive in the above exchange. Ha! I only meant to imply that your colleagues haven’t been so quick to accept my services. I’ll have my assistant circle back to provide you with the appropriate forms for you to fill out to ensure our meetings remain confidential and adhere to our corporate policy of excellence. Stay tuned!
With gratitude,
HR
but what if I want to talk to someone now
Dear GDP,
Your prompt responses are most appreciated. Unfortunately our corporate policy of excellence does not facilitate the ability to speak with someone until both parties have filled out the appropriate forms. This should be a painless process! Hold tight!
Best,
HR
it’s just that everyone’s been having the summer of their lives in tuscany and palm springs and I’ve felt so lonely because no one invited me to the hamptons but it’s not like I didn’t want to go my bikini has been packed for months but it’s just that in 2020 I was invited everywhere because everyone was so worried about me because I had that scare you know the one and so I was on every talk show and I’d be lying if I’d say I didn’t love it I literally had the time of my life back then I felt like a movie star because everyone cared so much about me and movie stars go to tuscany and palm springs and wear bikinis in the hamptons
Dear GDP,
It sounds like what you’re going through is complex. I know we’ll be able to find a solution together if you display a bit of patience.
Thanks,
HR
but while everyone’s been on vacation I’ve been expected to just pick up the pieces and it doesn’t feel fair to have this big of a workload when I see so many people going offline to unplug because while they’re offline and unplugged they still want more stuff and more houses and more food and I don’t have anymore I’m tapped out but they want it so I’m trying to give it but -
do you ever feel like no one loves you anymore?
GDP -
Thank you for the thought-provoking question. My assistant has informed me that the forms have landed in your inbox so please take a look. The sooner you fill them out, the sooner we can begin.
Looking forward!
HR
people wanted so much from me and I had nothing more to give
GDP - I appreciate the honesty. However this conversation has breached my purview and I need to extradite myself. I am transferring you to my supervisor.
ok
Dear GDP,
Have you been losing weight for two consecutive quarters? I’m here to help. Fill out the form and let’s get to work!
Sincerely,
Supervisor